Ask The Sexpert: How Can Lesbians Have Actually Safer Intercourse? | GO Magazine

Of late, i am witnessing most different health resources and neighborhood frontrunners discuss how lesbians have no need for condoms at all within intercourse methods. And this also idea honestly perplexes myself! Every time I see clearly somewhere, we pause and think

huh? In which did these folks obtain less dangerous sex info from?

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This page:

This is exactly a part of a more impressive social problem where lesbian, queer and bi women are typically left behind during the conversation about sexual health insurance and STIs. It’s like folks believe that


just originate from penises and this lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies don’t actually ever



News flash:
STIs is passed on in several techniques
. Through epidermis to skin get in touch with. From anal intercourse. From dental intercourse. From discussing sex toys. Virtually any kind of intercourse you are having, it is likely that STIs can possibly end up being passed on, from individual to individual. You’ll want to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies sometimes have penises. Or sometimes we make use of dildos during sex. And also for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be used as a barrier solution to lower the probability of STIs becoming passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, you’ll want to remember that it isn’t the conclusion the whole world if you sample positive for an STI. Lifetime and your love life aren’t over. Whenever we have the ability to get access to this better gender info, after that we could all develop and find out together—and do have more pleasant intercourse!

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We’ve already discussed
various shield techniques
that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are able to use whenever making love with one another. And yes, condoms come in those solutions. You need to use condoms as a barrier when having a penis in pussy or when having
anal intercourse
, when you’re making use of an adult toy or dildo, and additionally cut a condom along the middle (with scissors) if you’d like a dental dam for analingus or oral sex. Whenever we tell women that sleep along with other females which they don’t


condoms to practice less dangerous sex, we’re perpetuating this misconception that our gender is actually intrinsically safe from any STIs getting shared.

Countless of my personal lesbian, queer and bisexual pals occasionally laugh about how precisely they don’t exercise safer sex. I notice queer females make laughs about dental care dams and just how they do not have as soon as made use of them. All this can make myself question which within our area do in fact practice much safer gender? And when the audience isn’t making use of shield strategies, are we subsequently having in-depth discussions about our sexual wellness before we f*ck? Are we consistently prioritizing obtaining tried between our very own lovers? And not simply a pap smear (
for the reason that it doesn’t include it-all
), but like getting a full build up?

I do not state any one of this are judgmental, anyway. I have also been that lady to chuckle about dental care dams. I have additionally had one night stands where i did not prioritize me or my personal lover’s intimate health. But i would like you to accomplish better. Needs us to be able to have actual, nuanced discussions about all of our intimate wellness. Because it matters, babes. And I also need previous chuckling about dental dams and shrugging off condoms as an option.

Typically in this discussion, I have expected

well, let’s say I want to utilize a dental care dam but she does not think’s sexy?

This anxiety is really so widespread that personally i think like numerous lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are actually worried to ask their own partners to train less dangerous sex. But let me tell you a queer lady secret, receiving dental sex through a dental dam is sensuous and feels remarkable. In reality, the individual it truly alters situations for will be the individual offering the dental. It is a bit various of a personal experience, but the one that you can aquire utilized to! It really is gorgeous for your person getting because 1. you’re both prioritizing one another’s intimate health, which will be hot AF and 2. in my truthful opinion, it still feels pleasurable as f*ck.

I also know-how difficult it can be to bring in the conversation of STIs if your wanting to have sexual intercourse, especially if you’ve never really had sex because of this individual prior to. A very important factor I discovered in my own years of messily navigating gender and connections usually while I talk to somebody towards particular sex we both want and regarding what particular barriers we need to use—You will find wayyyy better sex. Like I am not saying this because i am a sex technical. I’m letting you know my personal honest queer girl fact. Intercourse is way better when you explore need along with your bodies very first.

Let’s break it straight down.

You and this possible hookup don’t know both’s bodies yet. Every single person provides their very own needs and ticks and movements, that change them the f*ck on. And even though you could play a guessing online game if you are having sexual intercourse to figure out just what ~feels good~ with this new person, you could instead, discuss it in advance. Isn’t it enjoyable to f*ck somebody how they wish to be f*cked? You then know already the go-to area on their behalf, the place you want to build to and the ways to cause them to be putty inside hand.

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In relation to referring to exactly what obstacles and/or toys you need to make use of while you are having sex—a large amount of people believe it’s super maybe not beautiful and requires all enjoyable out of it. But picture in case you are having sexual intercourse although entire time you’re nervous since you really desired to make use of a dental dam but didn’t understand how to tell their that and so now you are unable to have a climax since you’re therefore in your head about maybe not talking upwards to your requirements? That’s no fun for anyone, believe me. Once you get that discussion out-of-the-way prior to starting having sexual intercourse, then chances are you already know just to go for the condom when you use your own strap-on or whether she actually is cool with liquid connection or perhaps not. These are generally important facets of gender and we must not dismiss all of them.

I have research for several of you reading this article immediately. Next time you’re having a unique hookup with some one, you will need to integrate some talks just before smack the bedsheets and determine just what email address details are. We bet you that you’ll involve some mind-blowing consensual safer intercourse!

Got any intercourse concerns? Go ahead and reach out:!

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